In April, I was signed off from work with my chronic illness, PoTS. I was housebound, bedbound and fed up beyond words. At the end of April, you posted about attending a Decleor event for a small number of people - I was lucky enough to be invited. It was only a two hour event but getting me there was a mission in itself. My husband took the day off work and escorted me to the door, I was terrified and nervous beyond words - I hadn't left my house in almost a month, but here I was, ready to meet you.
I will confess, I was a mess at our first encounter. I remember not being able to stop talking, out of fear of throwing up or passing out next to you. My hands were shaking beyond belief, but I did it. And that day was the first time I realised that I wasn't as useless as I thought. I could do things. To others, it was just a two hour morning trip out, to me it was the start of belief in myself again.When it reached the third anniversary of the loss of my baby, out came the first chapter of Happy Mum, Happy Baby. I re-read every article you've ever written on miscarrying and I cried and cried, and cried. Knowing someone truly understood how I felt. It was as if you'd heard my innermost thoughts and put them onto paper. I didn't feel as alone as I had the previous year.
Then Some Kind of Wonderful was released and I can't express to you how much I enjoyed it. After feeling like I'd lost myself this year, this book on self discovery and learning to find yourself again was exactly what I needed and your words spoke to me in volumes. I was lucky enough to attend the Literary Supper in Chelmsford a few days after the book was released and I cried throughout the Q&A (I'm definitely a weeper!). I met you after dinner and you recognised me, which really was so lovely. I finally managed to have somewhat of a conversation with you - go me! This year, you've tweeted me more times than I can count and I can't tell you how much one little message from you can change my day; give me motivation to keep going; to keep working at what I want to achieve. Here's why you inspire me: you use your social media platforms to spread positivity, you show the world what life's really like, struggles and all, your work ethic is something I can only dream of - writing, doing book tours, Christmasaurus rehearsals - and wasn't that just November alone? I don't know how you do it, but my logic is, if you can - I can.
I had tickets to see The Christmasaurus on 27th December but my chronic illness flared up and I was unable to come, which I still am absolutely gutted about, but Christmas Makes Me Sick will be playing in my house for the next few months. Do your talents ever end?
Love,
Zoe x
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